You might be Celiac, if...

Over the last two years living gluten free, I've come across emails, forums, etc that have a list of "You might be Celiac, if..." same concept of the Jeff Foxworthy redneck jokes except celiac themed.  They always make me chuckle and the longer I live gluten free the more I come to appreciate and relate to them!  One of my favorites is "You might be Celiac, if you brown-bag it to a black tie affair!"  About 3 1/2 months into my gluten free existence, my brand new husband and I were freshly back from our honeymoon.  The stars were shining bright in our eyes and our heads were way above in the clouds!  We were invited to the wedding of a co-worker and friend of my husband's.  The biggest concern that ever crossed my mind was what in heavens was I going to wear!

The cake topper from my wedding :)

The idea that I may not be able to eat anything served at this wedding never even crossed my mind until my butt was firmly planted on a chair on the lawn of a fancy country club watching the beautiful bride make her way down the aisle.  That's when I had my @#$% moment <- (generally when I realize I've done something stupid, my thoughts are hardly mommy friendly...I'm working on it, but at least they don't come out my mouth lol!)  How could I miss something this important!  Okay, well chances are there will be something non-breaded like roast beef or something they slice pieces off of with a big knife that hopefully didn't touch anything gluten or have any seasonings that have gluten...  Honestly I was horribly distracted the rest of the ceremony, but I can tell you it was very nice and everyone looked great!

Once everyone filed into the reception hall, I looked over the buffet table and thought, "Okay there's some stuff that's a possibility...maybe..."  The last thing I wanted to do was ask the bride and groom if they knew about the contents of their wedding feast!  That was definitely NOT something they should be concerned with right then!  I waited until everyone was seated and snuck out to the "bathroom" by way of the kitchen lol :)  The kitchen staff were a little confused by my presence, but I quickly located the guy who seemed to be in charge.  I proceeded to explain the situation to him and asked if there was anything plain or something they had in the back that could be prepared separately or if ANYTHING on the buffet table was safe?!  I figured, at who knows what unGodly price a plate these places charge for me to be sitting there, they would be able to work some magic!  I'll never forget what this man told me.  He said, "I'm very sorry, but everything is cooked in the same pans and work space.  I really don't want you to eat anything and I'm not going to risk making you anything.  That's a liability to our establishment!"  I was floored.  I stood there mouth gaping.  He ushered me out of the kitchen all the while apologizing profusely!  Sometimes I wish I had let him have it, but I wasn't about to make things awkward for our friends!  This was their day; my drama WASN'T going to spoil it!!!

I slunked back to the table.  My husband could tell by my expression that it didn't go well.  He refused to eat if I couldn't eat anything so we decided to "cut class" and sneak out of the wedding!  Our goal was to leave, get food and be back before the bride and groom realized we were gone :)  Thankfully there was a Wendy's fairly close by so this didn't seem like an impossible task!  We giggled to ourselves as we exited, running to our car as if on some great secret mission.  We must have looked a sight walking into that Wendy's, me in a floor length asian themed strapless, him in a three piece suit!  People visiably gaped...  The guy at the counter barely made eye contact as he asked, "Can I take your order?"  But when I started to describe how I needed my food prepared, he finally caught a glimpse of our clothing and did a double take!

Sitting at one of the small tables, enjoying our contraband, my husband started talking about going to another fast food joint after except this time when we walked in I should slap him and say, "THIS is where you're taking me on our first date you jerk!" :)  We had a good laugh coming up with a whole bunch of scenarios of things we could do in our dress clothes to mess with people's minds!  It turned into so much fun by the time we got back to the wedding and told the rest of the people at our table, we were even talking about adding it to our monthly "date night" just for giggles!  The best part was we were successful, the bride and groom never even knew we left and we didn't miss out on any of the wedding fun!

I learned my lesson after that wedding, now I try to bring some type of food in my purse or a cooler bag in the car that I can easily sneak in to places if need be!  Most places won't give you a hard time though if you explain that you have a food allergy and need to eat your own food.  Actually one time I packed up a bowl of soup to bring to the diner just so I could hang out with some friends who were eating there.  I bought a glass of OJ so I wasn't using their napkins for nothing lol, but they were happy to let me do what I had to do.  Now with everything I have to remember for my baby, I've find myself forgetting to pack ME a lunch yet again.  Still, things are so much easier these days with people's awareness of food allergies growing and gluten free options in many places!  Even my family's restaurant is adding a gluten free menu in the next couple weeks!  Hang in there, my gluten free friends, you never know what adventure you might have on this gluten free journey!